What Is The ‘Kittenfishing’ Trend And How Is It Impacting Dating?

In a highly competitive online dating scene, there is a new trend dating coaches say everyone should avoid.

It is called kittenfishing, and that involves lying in the early stages of dating to seem more attractive. People often add an inch to their dating profile, saying that they graduated from a prestigious university when they only took a course, lying about their age or using old or heavily edited photos. Dating coach Amy Chan says it is not intended to deceive, but it is bad for trust.

She explained that people do it because they are insecure and not malicious, thinking that anything superficial will not matter once they meet.

“The problem is, most people feel deceived when the person in front of them doesn’t match the profile. Starting things off with a small deception, however innocent it feels, erodes trust before you’ve even had a chance to build it,” Chan said.

Another dating coach, Damona Hoffman, said that people who kittenfish can hurt themselves.

“If you are kittenfishing too hard, you are going to set yourself up for disappointment because when you actually meet the person, you will not be what they expected. We’re not chasing likes in dating. We’re actually fostering connection,” Hoffman said.

She suggests people present the best version of themselves without lying. She works with clients on their profiles and says that she would never add a filter to a photo. You want to show the best version of yourself without altering your image.

“So instead, that means choosing pictures that tell a story about who you are, where your personality comes through and you’re really not trying to be the picture-perfect version of yourself if your goal is to connect with someone and have them like you back,” Hoffman said.

For people who have kittenfished, there is still hope. Dr Andrea Bonior says that she heard from people who want to build or rebuild trust in a relationship. She says that “Trust is one of the most crucial building blocks of becoming emotionally intimate with someone,” Bonior said.

She talks about how people can rebuild trust and says that “it is far easier, and takes a lot less time, to lose trust than to build it back up. The rebuilding of trust takes time, patience and work, just as it does to establish it in the first place. But it can be done if both people are motivated,” Bonior said.

To her, an important step is to give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

“What goes hand in hand is setting aside your doubts and letting the person come through for you. If you ever hope to truly rebuild trust, you must be willing to string together some moments of letting the doubt go and seeing if they come through for you,” Bonior said.